Tag Archives: Depression

A heartfelt blog on depression

 

I am copying a post I put on Facebook. By the way it is one of the posts that I have got the most hits on and it makes me wonder just how many people out there are suffering from depression / anxiety and suffering silently or are at least to me unknown. It reminds me as well to remain humble and respectful of others as I do not know what they facing on a daily basis.

Anyway, here is the post:   No one ever should have to Suffer with depression. This just hits so close to home. To see the outpouring of support. I just feel so utterly helpless – to know that people are suffering. I do not know, nor can I pretend to know what Tommy was facing. But I can say boldly that I have had depression and I am trying to find my way through it daily. I am absolutely 100% not ashamed of my depression and it hurts my heart to think that others feel this pain and some feel that it is something they must face alone. I want no one to ever have to suffer this way. I hope people can be kind and understanding and if you have never been depressed then I am sorry but you have no place to say what a person should or shouldn’t do. God bless anyone suffering with any form of mental health concern, but especially to my brothers and sisters winning the battle with depression. (I am adding this ending) And I am terribly heartbroken and will mourn for those who have lost the fight.

That being said. Depression is a terrible monster but it is not “untame able”  I had a great therapist once who told me that until I know why my depression is there, that I should not get rid of it. Well trust me. I did not like what he said AT ALL. But after a while I got it, and I do know why it is here. My “buddy” depression has helped me help countless people. It has made me more human and it has grounded me and kept me aware of other’s pain and suffering and as much as I wish I never had it. I am equally glad in other ways for the experience for Depression has shaped who I am today.

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Let me Lubricate your Mind (ALA “The Wiz”)

OK so I gott admit.. Its been a bit since my last post… Took some time off and was getting ready to launch my website. I hope you all will like it.  Anyway slide on over to http://www.samgaryjohnson.com sometime. I was keeping the oil theme going… I got one more thing to admit. I had never heard this song but thanks to a friend… It fits perfectly.

This Same friend asked me why I take fish oil.. Here is my answer:

Mental health… it lubes up the central nervous system. If you get omegas from Walnuts, Brazil nuts and Almonds and eat a lot of fatty fish and flaxseed you are probably good…plus fish oil is good for the heart and regularity but that is not me reason. So there is this myelin sheath on your Central Nervous System. So the sheath covers the nerves and when its lubed up the messages travel better and faster and get where they need to go and there is fatty oil in your brain and a lot of your grey matter in your brain is Fatty Tissue and so the Omega’s help keep the messages moving smoothly… if that makes sense… I need all the help I can get. I have been VERY DEPRESSED in my life and I want to do everything that I can to not be in those very dark places  Thats why I exercise AVOID rumination/think positive, and get good sleep and nutrition and connect with and spend physical time with others…..Some days/weeks are better than others.

I’ll end with a quote…It is not about what happens when you are down.  It is all about what happens when you get back up.

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http://www.beachbodycoach.com/jemattern

T.S. Eliot and other Heady Stuff

April is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain.”

― T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

Dear Mr. Eliot   I think you are brilliant. I love Murder in a Cathedral and  Four Quartets and Lovesong For J Alfred and all that. I think you are so brilliant that I don’t understand you half the time. But one thing I can relate to fully is your dread of the long winter and the hope you have for Spring. I too long for Spring and think about your Cruel month when I see the first crocus pop through the earth. My guess is you often feared utter annihilation while you spoke of cruel winters, but a cruel winter can at times feel like an annihilation of sorts for me.

This winter in the United Stats has been cruel to say the least. However, it is not even the middle of March so I do hope your brilliant prediction of of a Cruel April was off by a month.

Winter for someone who has Seasonal Affective is a Slog through a personal wasteland. I often feel like two different people. I am my summer self and my winter self. I dont usually like my winter self and I wait expectantly for spring. The wait can sometimes be very cruel indeed.

“And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;

Anyway, I am not one to lie down and take it!  I have been learning how to fight my FRIEND depression for about ten years now.  Some of my weapons, which are certainly less globally destructive than what Mr. Eliot was afraid of, but suit my purpose are: Exercise, Using a Light Box, Good healthy food, Good Sleep, Being around positive people, Practicing gratitude, patience, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and grace.  Being a giving person, and Im not going to rule out my Fish Oil either.

You will notice I did not mention antidepressants. I know that they work for some people. Sadly they did not work for me. I tried about three or four different ones until I decided that they are not working for me. Is it possible I did not try them long enough? Sure. But I needed relief now, not a year from now, and so did my family so I started trying a bunch of other things.

Self help, and therapy helped too! I will say that I have learned some cues and some triggers as well. When I am feeling ignored (comes from being the baby in the family), and when I am aware that I am being self critical that I am in a danger area for me and old Mr Saggy Pants himself, also known as Seasonal Depression, can strike up a foothold.

Anyone with depression needs to learn from their ” friend” depression to see what he or she is trying to tell you about how and why he or she is there. Im sure I have more to learn but I think I have a decent start.

So I will leave you with more of winter from Mr. Eliot and here is to an Inspiring Spring when we can muse about Walt Whitman and think of some Leaves of Grass  instead 🙂

“Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow”

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